I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
