I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
