i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
