the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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