i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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