Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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