It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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