It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
