Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
