I cannot find my penis.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
