Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
