dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
