Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
