i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
