you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
