Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
