Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
