i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
