Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
