It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
