How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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