omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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