Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
