the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
