you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
