mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
