Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
