I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
