You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
