go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
