I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
