Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
