Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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