I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
