Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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