i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
