We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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