i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
