Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
