u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
