OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
