I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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