Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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