It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
