So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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