So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
