so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
