Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
