His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Boobs speak an international language.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
