So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
