The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My life is pants optional.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
