Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he quoted the bible to break up with me
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
