What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
