i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
