He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize