he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Well I just put wine in my tea
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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