K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
