Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
