I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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