Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
