you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
