jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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