Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
