Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
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