You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
