This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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