question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
