Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I think your dad took our porno
Randomize
