I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
