Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
