I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
