Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Randomize
