Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
