I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
