Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
