I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
